When You Wonder Why

Reflection can be a good thing if you keep it in perspective.  Last month I was asked to be a part of a committee to get readers to sign up for a Bible Reading Marathon–the reading of God’s Word out loud in our county, from Genesis through Revelation in 4 days. We were fortunate that this would be the second year it would be done as we were able to use tools that had already been created.

I found myself on a journey with God through this whole process which has brought me to my present state of mind of wondering why… why did God want me to be a part of this.

It sounds wonderful when we say “Send me Lord.  I’ll go wherever you tell me to go, I’ll do whatever you tell me to do, and  I’ll say whatever you want me to say.”  But the truth is when it was completed, on time with approximately 100 readers who signed up, I felt like I had failed.  Four of the 25 churches in our county truly responded to the calling but it tore at my heart why in a county of over 12,000, there were time slots that were not filled each day.  Thankfully, three people repeatedly filled in wherever needed, serving and honoring God.   The other two committee members didn’t seem to struggle at all through all of this,  yet I had a couple of real meltdowns.  There were times I tried to do things in my own strength and grew frustrated with others who were not on this year’s committee.  I knew their intentions were good but I found myself questioning why it was turned over to us if we had to be reminded of the work we were entrusted to do.  I quickly took offense at what I’m sure was only meant to keep us on track.  I grew frustrated and therefore remained silent, going inward instead of upward to God.

At the end, I was tired and full of self-condemnation.  I believed the lie of the enemy, that I failed, that I wasn’t a good Christian; for how can a Christian think the thoughts that I had.   At that point I was thankful it was finished.

Now, a day later, I know that the only thing that matters is that God’s mandate was completed.  I don’t know all that He accomplished during the reading of His Word, but I know these things:

1. God’s Word when spoken, will not return to Him void.   

So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.”  (Isaiah 55:11 KJV)

2.  I am more sure than ever how desperately I need Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;” (Romans 3:23 KJV)

3. I stumbled, and bruised my ego along the way, but am thankful that God’s             mercy and grace are new everyday.

“But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, by grace ye are saved;” (Ephesians 2: 4-5 KJV)

4. God is faithful.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”  (1 John 1:9 KJV)

5. He’ll continue to help me grow. Time of growth and being stretched may not feel comfortable, but He will never leave us nor forsake us.

“Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” (Hebrews 13:5)

God may not give me any other answers as to why He chose me to be involved in this, but that’s okay.  For He is My Lord Thy God, and I will say once again “Send me.”

2 thoughts on “When You Wonder Why

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