The last month has been very emotional. After being divorced for 10 years, I had met someone online and spent time daily communicating with him in the process of getting to know him. It wasn’t a dating site, but I responded to his invitation to talk, after checking to find we had a mutual friend online. Over the weeks I grew in trust to open up a little more. But every now and then I would not have peace. But I dismissed it as the fear of becoming intimate with someone, allowing my heart to be opened.
My third grandchild was just born 7 1/2 weeks premature, and I thank God with all My heart that He developed her in such a way she was able to come out as the doctors said, “remarkably healthy”, her lungs had developed enough so she could breathe on her own. In fact, she arrived with a cry, which was a beautiful sign! And though I have family and many friends, this man was who I wanted to share this with. Being stationed overseas he was 9 hours ahead, but he was there for me throughout the day through texting. This showed me I was opening my heart to this man. But there were still moments I would have a fear rise up in me. And finally in a quick instance, I told him I was fearful and needed to stop.
I quickly went to the Lord in tears having regret for sending that message, and kept asking “Why? Why was I not in peace?”
And God responded, saying:
” The world would tell you to take chances. But I am not a God of chance. I already know what I desire for you. Let it be in you as it is in Me, allowing me to rule over your heart in every area of your life. Keeping My perfect peace will keep you connected to My perfect will for you. Let it become so ingrained in you to stay in peace, that is how you will know My perfect will.”
I won’t lie to you, saying this is a cakewalk once you decide to surrender your life to Christ. And even this morning I woke up in tears thinking of no longer having this man in my life. But I chose Christ. I chose to surrender all of me. As the lyrics in Elevation Worship’s song (Give Me Faith) say: “I need You to soften my heart and break me apart. I need You to open my eyes and see that You’re shaping my life. All I am, I surrender. Give me faith to trust what You say. That You’re good, Your love is great. I’m broken inside, I give you my life.”
I knew his response would be one of frustration. And in my tears, I knew I had a word to give to him. God said I needed to wait a short time before I gave him whatever God was going to say, in order for him to be prepared to receive it. God said by doing so, he would be able to have that peace the world knows not of. And God’s word did flow. I know I did the right thing as I had peace in what I wrote back to him. And I know in the end, he will have God’s peace as well.
And though I still have my eyes well with tears even as I write this, I know my confidence is in the Lord. I chose this life of submission. God took me to His word afterwards to a specific scripture.
“So shall my word be that goeth forth out inf my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.
For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.”
In the word that God had given me to relay was that he was not for me, he is for someone else. My heart felt shattered, but I believe God to be good. He knows what He is doing. So I will continue to walk in faith and not by sight.
Be encouraged if you’re going through a storm, knowing that the God Almighty is with you and His love is sufficient to get you through. May God’s peace be with you!